Uncommon Gay Man

I’m going to write about something because of what happened last Sunday. We were at a bar. Not a big fancy one or anything just what looked more like a tavern except without pool tables and they had a band. On that, I’ll change their names because they may not want me writing about them/this.

I get there and meet up with a couple of friends. We’ll call them Fred and Sam. I walk in and see Fred lean back from the bar and wave. I walked up and sat in between them in a vacant bar stool. We sat, had a few drinks and had a good time. Sam tells me that there is another guy who keeps staring at him. As time goes on I see what Sam was talking about. Wow. This guy was reeaallly having a long stare and going well out of his way to get into a spot where he could get a good view and keep staring. It made Sam very uncomfortable. Sam and Fred are both straight and this guy was not. He had approached them before I got there and asked them if they were from the area and whatnot. They replied that they were and then tried to ignore him. He knew they were not gay yet he persisted in blatant staring and ogling of Sam. I’ve been around enough people that are gay and I’ve never seen anyone act like this guy was.

Eventually, I looked over at him, he was continuing his long gaze at Sam, Sam is totally skeeved out and he and Fred are both fairly intoxicated. I told the gay guy that Sam and Fred were both with me and spoken for. They weren’t of course but I had to say something. When I said that, Fred gave me “the look” and told me to not get involved. Clearly it was out of hand and somebody needed to do something before something bad happened. Sam would not hurt the guy but still…. There is no reason for the guy to act like that when Sam isn’t gay.  Or even if he was gay it still would not be ok. Lack of interest is lack of interest dude, take a hint please. Eventually Fred realizes the problem is bigger than he may have realized and invited the gay guy over. His name was Tom. He turned out to be nice but he had been drinking way too much. He was wasted. That explains the poor behavior of staring incessantly at a straight guy. Fred is cool and he sat and talked with Tom for awhile. Tom was still flirting heavily with Sam and looking at him, right at him and he’d be hanging his tongue out and stuff. It was out of line. Sam just ignored him and I did too. Fred talked with him for awhile and got Tom’s attention off of Sam and eventually I think Tom left.

Fred saved this guy from a butt whooping I’m sure of it. If it had been any other guys at a bar and intoxicated when a gay man insisted on pushing his gayness on him, they’d have reacted MUCH differently. There’s no mistaking that Fred and Sam both are manly men and neither are homophobic. The gay guy was no threat to anyone but himself and he was wasted. Fred did the guy a favor by having him sit down. He partly did it to bug Sam… they’re like that with each other sometimes and partly to just keep the situation under control.

All of the above brings me to a couple of points. 1 being how awesome my friends are and that they truly do not care who you are or what you’re about as long as you aren’t harming anyone, including yourself. They’ll even help you out if you might get into trouble like ole’ Tom there at the bar. Fred is awesome! He really is a manly man who is not afraid to sit down with a gay man who’s been flirting with his buddy, buy him a drink and BS with him and keep him out of trouble. That guy had a rather large set of cojones to walk up to the 2 biggest men in the bar, me sitting in between them having already said “they’re both mine” and flirt with them! 🙂  2nd, that that type of behavior is a big no no as far as I know, in the gay community. He was what cause homophobes. That fear really is unfounded, Tom was an exception and if ole’ Tom doesn’t end up getting beat up by straight guys, he’ll get beat up by gay ones for propagating what homophobes fear most and what the gay community rallies against. I’ve no doubt that the next morning Tom is full of regret and was counting his blessings that it was us he encountered and not the type of people who typically would have taken him outside and kicked his ass. We have, especially in Dunedin, a rather large gay population. We’re a gay friendly community and I’ve never, ever met any gay person who acted like that before. Yes, Tom is very lucky he met us and not some other folks while misbehaving like that.


~ by Deena Kay on 12/03/2009.

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