Human Nature and Mixed Feelings, not such a good thing always

It’s been my experience, in having dealt with a lot of people over the course of my life that human nature can be very complex but more often than not, it isn’t. There are certain things that are human nature that apply to the vast majority of us. Things like that it’s natural to want what you think you can’t have. It’s why some people in relationships think playing hard to get works and in some instances, it does. There are more but that isn’t what this is about. I’m not going to try to explain and elaborate but I do want to write about emotion in people. Something a bit more complex.

There is this thing and I’m not sure what it’s called. If I googled it I’m sure I could find it somewhere. I’m not a psychologist or anything so forgive me for not knowing the proper terminology. Maybe somebody who might read this may know and can kindly leave a comment. It’s when people grow up and frequently experience multiple emotions simultaneously that even later on in life, the 2 emotions become inextricably linked. A person cannot feel one without also feeling the other. Such as a young man who might be abused by his parents who not only loves his parents but also at the same time feels anger, resentment and helplessness. He grows up to be a man who doesn’t know how to experience love without the accompanying negative emotions as well. He cannot tell the difference. If he loves, hate and anger come into play at the same time even when there’s nothing to hate or be angry about. Anytime any emotion is felt alongside of another for a long period of time, typically when growing up, that a person is just not able to make a clear distinction between the emotions that are being experienced. It’s often why abused kids grow up to be dysfunctional in interpersonal relationships with other people.  It can happen in myriad ways and can effect a person in myriad ways given the complexity of human emotion and the varying types of relationships people have with the environment around them, including people, situations, business entities and more.

Anytime people are exposed to anything for a long enough period of time, especially during formative years, that provides them with “mixed feelings” can really, essentially just screw them up later in life. I thank my lucky stars that I didn’t have a “love/hate” relationship with my parents. I thank my lucky stars that I’m keen enough to realize and don’t put my son in a “love/hate” relationship with me. As my son grows up, he’s learning from me, not just good behavior and how to make good choices, but how to love and relate to other people and society in a healthy way. It’s important to think about that as you raise young children. The health of their emotional lives depends on it, now and when they reach adulthood. How a person truly feels about their family WILL effect how they will feel about other people in their lives as they mature. I think it’s why a past friend of mine is the way he is. He’s 39, like me. For his privacy I wont talk about how he grew up but I will say, when it comes to relationships with women and anything even remotely beyond platonic is involved, he cannot feel anything loving without also feeling resentment and anger. When he has historically lashed out at me, it’s been at times that I think, deep down, he really actually liked me, started to have some good feelings about our “friendship” and just couldn’t feel that without the other icky ones. The icky ones…. the anger and resentment pushed me away and I can no longer manage to be involved with him. I understand his damage but there is only so much a reasonable person should be willing to accept. I reached my point and feel the loss of a friend. There just isn’t anything I can do about it.

If you’re a parent, think about how your kids really feel. It isn’t healthy to be angry all the time. It isn’t healthy to fight with your kids all the time and keep them in a state of angry resentment. Sometimes you just have to give in and let them be. If you don’t, even if you don’t abuse them, keeping them or allowing them to be in a constant state of “mixed negative and positive” emotions might really wreak havoc on their interpersonal relationships they establish in life. Let them be happy and displine with love to teach them, not just simply punish them. If you dont think about that as you’re raising your kids, they might one day too, grow up to be just as damanged emotionally as my past friend is and be nearly 40 and still miserable and unhappy in life. THAT is a scary prospect. Pay attention to your kid’s emotional health as much as you do their physical 🙂

Peace and love!!!!

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~ by Deena Kay on 01/03/2010.

One Response to “Human Nature and Mixed Feelings, not such a good thing always”

  1. I do not know the technical term either, Deena, but do know that this exists. The thought of it has guided many of my parenting moments both now and when my children were younger.

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