Family and Relationships

I haven’t written in a long time. Over a year I’m sure. Maybe more. Lots of changes have taken place. I moved. I got married ❤ and sadly, my Mama passed away. I thought at first I’d write about the love story of my husband and I but then chose not to. Some things are sacred and friends and family are already in the know. Then I thought I’d write about the experience of my Mama passing. I also changed my mind about that for the same reason. Some things are just to sacred to “Blog about it”. However what I do feel compelled to write about, is something I learned from my Mama. It was something she said a few months before she passed away. We were on the phone and talking about, I think my cousin, who is a teacher and young, busy mom of 3. She said “If YOU don’t cultivate relationships, then you won’t have any”. That’s pretty deep and I’ve spent a good amount of time pondering that statement.

My Mama and I didn’t always have a good relationship and I’m very thankful that over the last 5 years before she passed away, we repaired and made things right between us. I’d be stricken with so much guilt if we hadn’t. She made a lot of mistakes. She was genuinely sorry and remorseful. I forgave her and that was the end of it. I wanted my Mama. We are not all perfect. I have 2 sons, 18 and 21. I too have made mistakes and am going through the same thing with my older son and I thought at the time, “I hope to be forgiven some day”. I was in her shoes and know how she felt. I feel a connection to her in that we’re very much alike. We made mistakes. We made mistakes that our children bore the consequences of. We felt and feel genuine remorse and have a desire for forgiveness for our mistakes and want/wanted, a genuine, loving relationship with our children.

That statement she made seems fairly straightforward. I have really thought about the deeper meaning of it. I wondered, upon whose shoulders does the responsibility rest, for maintaining contact and relationships? Should it rest upon the shoulders of our younger generation? They’re busy. They’re busy either working on starting their lives or franky as in the case with my cousin, living their lives and being parents. Perhaps the responsibility should rest upon OUR shoulders. The parents, aunts, uncles, etc who have completed parenting and are free to relax and just live. It has also left me thinking about the latter of generations in families and how those rungs can become blurred with some having children at a later age in life. I have a cousin who is 50 and a mom of 2 young boys AND a 22 year old. She’s got feet on 2 rungs. I have a cousin who is 49 who never married and never had any kids. Yep, the rungs are blurred. That also leaves my nephew the only boy who can carry on our family name. If he doesn’t have kids, the family name will disappear with him. He’s the last one at this point in time.

For me personally, I’ve slipped into the next rung and am finally coming to terms with that fact. I don’t know if I’m doing it gracefully or not but I’m doing it. I’m in the older generation now. My kids and their friends and young cousins are all coming of age and seemingly “running the show” now or soon will be. I’m a house wife and I have time. For me, I’m going to take that lesson she learned and try hard to cultivate and maintain relationships with others in my family because, regardless of what rung they’re on, I know that they matter and that I want to have relationships with my family members, old and young. Who really cares who has learned that lesson as long as I have. Perhaps that’s something everyone needs to think about. Somebody needs to be in charge of maintaining familial relationships and contact while our younger generation are getting their lives started and in order. If nobody is, family grows apart and well, that’s just no good. So, in YOUR family, upon whose shoulders does that responsibilty rest?

❤ ❤

~ by Deena Kay on 04/27/2012.

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