When will you talk to your kids about sex?

This is for my entry to the half drunk challenge. Now, I’m certainly imbibing but not yet half drunk. Buzzed maybe, but it’s early. Give me time.  

One glass of chablis  – I’m not a big mouth but I do have a lot to say and that’s why I blog in the first place.  On that, for sober starters, I’ll start off with something that, when drinking or not, has always bugged me. Parents who talk baby talk to their kids instead of saying words and pronouncing them as they should. It does nothing for the young child’s language skills. I appreciated what I read in another half drunk contribution from a woman who believes in speaking properly to our children about the names of our sex organs and their purposes as well as in proper pronounciation of “Penis” and “Vagina”.  On that, my kids are older. 16 and almost 19. They know how to pronouce it and they know the various uses for said organs. They’re young men so they know all about their “packages”, and then some, I’m sure. 😉 There are some posts about “our junk” but how many parents take time to think about our kids’ junk and what exactly it is they do with it? AND how we, as parents, can help them.

2 glasses of chablis – Which leads me to this. We talked of the birds and the bees when they were fairly young (prob age 11) and I also kept condoms in the house, even tho I dont need them, so they always have them if they do. Once my youngest who still lives with me, told me he wasn’t a virgin anymore (at age 15), I make sure my younger one at least, always has one in his wallet. It’s not a “big thing” but I do a condom check and when the condoms are running low, I buy more. I know they are also being given to some of his friends as well and that’s ok. I’d rather have them acknowledge the need for a condom and find a way to get one than have sex without one. My older boy, I hope I’ve taught him well since he’s not with me anymore but my younger boy, well, he’s still at home. I thank god he’s comfy enough to talk to me about such things.  We talk about everything and I’m really happy he will unreluctantly share his experiences.

3 glasses of chablis (yes I drink fast but they’re small glasses  and I’m a light weight, LOL)  – When I was a kid, I got pooped on by the birds and stung by the bees. That’s how I learned, the hard way. My Mom never talked with me about sex and neither did anyone else for that matter. I lost my virginity when I was 12. I’m almost 40 now if that tells you how long ago that was….. it’s not getting any better as time goes on…..I may not have lost my virginity before I was even a teen had we talked about it when I needed. I needed to know what those wiley young guys were up to and the “moves” they’d make with the intention of “getting laid” so I could perhaps avoid the pitfalls of many young, uneducated about sex, girls. I have met several of my younger son’s female friends that have come by to visit. My house is a bit of a hang out because they’re comfy here being themselves. It is really shocking how promisuous they can be these days. I think “OMG if your mom could see you!”. I dont hesitate to tell them their behavior isn’t appropriate, but not from a “shake my finger at you” standpoint. I have befriended some and they talk to me more than their own parents and occasionally I’ve had to call their parents to clue them in to what was going on. Somebody has to tell them they’re valuable and that they dont need sex to feel wanted and worthwhile. Testosterone filled, young, male teens and insecure females who are uneducated about sex = disease, HIV, AIDS and death, unwanted pregnancy and myriad other problems. A condom can’t address the female teen’s insecurity but it can help avoid disease, death from aids, pregnancy, etc. TALK to your kids about sex! It’s important!

4 glasses of chablis, it’s goin’ down easy and it’s pretty tasty. –  One thing I do to ensure that my kids, their friends and anyone they hang out with or spend time with, is make sure they and their friends are comfortable with me without being their buddy. I’m not a party mom who lets kids drink, smoke or have sex in my home. I’m a mom that makes sure they do not feel defensive. I want them to feel comfortable around me. Comfortable enough that they can be themselves and don’t hide things from me. All kids will always be on their absolute best behavior when around “overly parental, parents” but what’s lacking in that is that those same parents have no real clue about what the friends of their kids are really like and even what their own kids really, truly, get up to. Make it ok  and safe for them all to tell you the truth without freaking out on them and you will know what truly is going on in their lives. That is knowledge that no parent can live without, yet many do.

4.5 glasses and I think I’ve had enough. 🙂 – You can know what your kids want you to know, what their friends want you to know, what you find out by spying and whatnot but the real info is what you get when your kids and their friends come to you, are comfortable with you enough to be themselves, share with you their day to day and tell you without fear what’s really going on. My son’s have both fallen on their faces, they told me about it and that allowed me to not only pick them up, wipe the mud from their chins with love, but also to teach them about what they really needed instead of playing a guessing game and hoping for the best. Not only have I helped my own kids but I have helped many others and the fact that these kids come talk with me and I help them to communicate with their own parents makes me realize, I am doing it right. I have prevented some problems. Maybe even saved a few lives with the aids epidemic going around. I feel good about being a trusted source and person rather than “the parent” who they all feel the need to hide things from. Accept that your kids will screw up and make it ok for them to be honest. If they wont share with you that they’re laying on their faces in the mud, you won’t know to pick them up and help them get back on track and they’ll lay there and stay dirty with mud on their chins. You just won’t know about it. 🙂

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18 Responses to “When will you talk to your kids about sex?”

  1. Wonderful post with good points – even being drunk! Remind me to tell you about the time I found my daughter’s pill dispenser.

    • LOL I can only imagine! Nowadays, girls that are 16, I believe, do not need any parental consent to get birth control pills, or even an abortion if you can believe that. It’s shocking what kids can do without our knowledge or censent. They need our consent to get into school sports but they dont for sex, childbirth or an abortion. Yeah, to many parents have no idea what goes in the lives of their kids once they hit about 11+. God bless the ones that do know… 🙂

  2. I don’t want to have this talk. Please don’t make me. Okay, how about I just leave out “Different Loving” and “The Joy of Sex” and then a bunch of pictures of STD symptoms?

    • @Natalie by the way 🙂

      LOL yeah, that’ll do it. 🙂 Mom, I got this weird cauliflower on my penis “aka Junk”. What do I do with it?” Oh nevermind that hunny, it’s just HPV, which is genital warts 🙂 That causes cervical cancer and she might die from cancer at some point.

      You MUST have the talk at some point 🙂 They’ll appreciate you for it later on. Trust me and the wine I’ve drank while posting this. 😉

      • I actually have already had some variation on The Talk (the bigg’ns are 9 and 7) as it keeps coming up. It especially came up when we were pregnant with the twins last year.

        Actually my nine year old just came out here out of the blue promised me she wouldn’t have sex until she was 20, maybe older. I thanked her.

      • @ Natalie

        Oh hell, forgive me then! That’s awesome! When she hits full blown puberty, as I’m sure you remember too since we’re both women, it ideally will come up again! 🙂

        In hind sight, that’s what I needed, was to hear about it when I was 9. She’s a lucky girl! 🙂

      • Thank you! So, too, are your babies. I’m hoping this generation coming up will hold themselves a little more sacred than mine.

      • 🙂 @ Natalie! I hope so too! Although from what I’ve seen so far, not so much. My son and his friends and in what I would call “beach kids” who ride bikes if they’re not old enough to drive which many of them are now…..shudder…. but the girls are just so “out there” with it like it’s no big deal. Guys too. One of my sons friends told me to other day there was nothing wrong with oral sex, I didn’t really know to respond but had no choice but to agree. Maybe it’s just me who notices, I dont know. I sure hope not! 🙂

  3. Great post, Deena! You are so right!!!

    • Thanks! It was tough the first time I broached the subject of sex but, they’re much better off that I did it and didn’t make them feel “uncomfy”. 🙂

  4. Yep, and yep, and yep again. Couldn’t agree more.

  5. Every day I make sure that I check in with my boys letting them know that honesty prevails over all else.

    I loved your post even though it made me frightened that I may not be able to handle the truth when the times comes.

    • You can handle it! If we can handle childbirth, there’s little else on earth that we can’t muster up the strength to handle 🙂 Scary tho it may be. I remember shaking like a tree on a limb when my younger came (preterm labor) eary and I wasn’t ready. They said it was adrenaline kicking in for the “fight or flight” response. Of course there was no flight option so here I am now 16 years later, drinking (FUN!) talking about sex and keeping condoms well stocked in the house for my kids… I’d have never thought. 🙂

  6. Great great great. I applaud you your ability to be there for your sons AND their friends. This is such an important topic. And such an important RESPONSIBILITY for all parents.
    Thanks for entering!

    • Thanks very much! I subscribed last night because of the half drunk challenge. It made me think about how I’m clearly not the only level-headed, smart Mom who wnjoys her kids and also likes to write! I absolutely loved reading all those half drunk posts! I think you all are awesome!

      I also appreciate your compliment! Thanks! 🙂

  7. What a fascinating post from the perspective of a mother of boys (mine are still quite little) and that of a woman whose own parents didn’t have the “birds and bees” talk in any sort of productive way. I really appreciate what you say about being there for your sons and their friends without facilitating illegal and/or dangerous behavior. That is such a fine line to walk – and, as a former high school teacher, I’ve seen parents err too far in both directions – but the dividends of managing it are extraordinary.

    • Absolutely! In fact, it was her post that inspired me to write about my own struggles that I had with it. Thanks so much for commenting. It’s a really difficult and devastating battle but fortunately I feel like I’m winning now although it took me 30 years to figure out how. 🙂

    • Its hard to be a Mom of teen boys. They go through soooo much stuff. I feel ya on the parents that err to far in the wrong direction. They try to be “friends” with their kids and end up not being anything of value to them. They still need a role model, just one that they trust 🙂 Thanks again for your comment! I sincerely appreciate them! 🙂

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